From Girl to Woman

It has been requested that I give women equal treatment and write a list for them.  With women it is a little harder because the whole women's lib thing makes the demands on her differ.  A single career woman has different demands on her that a woman who is married.  And a woman who is married but has no children has different demands on her than a woman who is married with children.  Then there are single mothers who fall into a category all their own. They are basically super heroes and no list is required for them, they simply know how to do everything and do it.

I do not however believe that a man should have all the demands and the chick be free to be who she wants to be with no responsibilities whatsoever.  She can become whoever she wants to, but she must good at being that person.  And a woman who demands that a man be a man need to deserve that man

I've chosen to write my list based on things I believe a wife and mother should know, be, and be capable of doing. This list is meant for both stay-at-homes and working mothers.  And I say to the women the same thing I say to the men, "if I'm too sexist and harsh for you, get over it."

- sew on a button
- iron a crease
- walk with grace
- sit in a skirt
- paint her fingernails
- how to be modest with make-up and know when not to be
- boil water
- cook a turkey
- straighten a man's tie
- gas her own car
- how to check her own oil
- change a tire
- jump start a car
- put on a condom
- what type of scoring goes to what games (the major ones)
- how to hold a baby
- wrap a gift

Again, I reserve the right to edit this list however and whenever I feel like it.

If it doesn't belong there, PUT IT AWAY!

Is this concept really that difficult to understand?  I'm sure that there are women around the world who's blood pressure just raised a point simply because I typed the sentence.

If you see an item in the wrong place, put it where it belongs.  I just solved half of the problems every husband will ever have for all eternity.  I have provided an invaluable education to teenagers worldwide.

There are so many ways to expand on this concept.  "Trash belongs in the trash can."  "Wet towels belong on the towel rack."  "Spoons should be washed, rinsed and then returned to the very same pocket in the exact same drawer they were removed from." "Don't leave your hair tangled up in the brush."  "Rinse your spit and toothpaste down the sink."  "Hang your clothes back up, on a hanger, in your closet."

Let's be real, though.  If you are old enough that you make messes by living  not by toddling, you are old enough to clean them up without a mother or a wife telling you step-by-step how.

Happy Movie

I just watched Dear John on FX. The first half of the movie was so sweet and happy and wonderful.  I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I know what a, "Dear John," letter is.  But it just kept up with a loving couple who wrote letters to one another when they couldn't be together because of his military deployments.  His name happened to be John so the title began make complete sense. And I got comfortable with how happy two people could be even though they were two characters in a movie.


I'd like to thank Nicholas Sparks and Jamie Linden for thoroughly disciplining my optimism.   In the future I will remember that chick flicks are not meant to make you happy and the phrase, "Dear John," still only has one meaning.