There are easier ways.

I'm sure you are familiar with the phrase, "you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar."  I have the greatest story that proves why we should all live by that wisdom.  This really happened, but some *fake names have thrown in to protect business reputations and grumpy old men.

A local sewer and drain guy, Stewart*, got a call out to a fourplex apartment building the other day to deal with a simple sewer and drain issue.  It made sense to him, to back into the extra parking spot in front of the building, just in case he needed to carry tools in from the back of his truck or whatever sewer and drain guys do.  Also, considering the extremely low temperatures last week Stewart left the engine on his work truck running.

Not the Actual Building

Imagine you live in the second floor apartment and your living room window is open.  The exhaust would get into your window and stink up your apartment which would inspire you to get up and shut the window, right?  I guess that line of common sense reasoning doesn't come naturally to grumpy old men.  Instead Al*, the grumpy old man, left his window open and stormed down the stairs yelling profanities at Stewart and demanding that he turn his vehicle off.  Al insisted that the exhaust from the van was going to give him carbon monoxide poisoning. Stewart respectfully refused, explaining the the heat needed to remain on in order to keep certain mechanical tools from freezing and becoming to stiff to use.

Al then took his profanities and demands, quite loudly to the apartment manager, Bob*, who agreed to try to work something out with Stewart.  When Bob spoke to Stewart he found that Stewart had a very reasonable demeanor and was quite happy to compromise.  He pulled his truck around to the front of the parking lot, closest to the street and parked with the rear of the van toward the street.  That was not good enough for Al.

Al called the police.  He informed the police that the serviceman was trying to poison him with CO1.  The police of course, were obligated to respond.  Since Al insisted that his health was in immediate danger, the police had no choice but to alert the necessary authorities.  The fun part is this, because he mentioned CO1, the fire department had no choice but to come out and clear the building.  Not to mention, the paramedics were also required be present in order to treat any victims of said poisoning. So the cavalry was dispatched, all the while the unsuspecting super and serviceman were carrying on with the repairs on the ground floor.

First up was the fire department. When they arrived, they blocked off the entire parking lot, because they weren't able to come all the way in.  Cars as well as the service truck were filling the area.  Then they went upstairs to check the CO1 levels in Al's apartment.  Al, grumpy turd that he was, refused to let the nice fireman in.  The fireman argued with him for a good ten minutes, making no headway at all.  Eventually, out of ideas, the fireman turned to the police officers for help.  They had hatchets of their own, and yes, they used them.  Al's front door was reduced to a pile of splinters.

Of course, Al was greatly exaggerating the danger and all of the CO1 levels were within safe parameters.  Al's behavior however was not.  He had moved his hissy fit to the parking lot where he was now acting belligerent and combative toward the police men.  His reward for all of his effort was being strapped to a gurney by the paramedics for transportation to the psychiatric ER where he could rest and calm down for a few days.

The punchline: Stewart had finished up his work a few minutes after emergency crews started to arrive, but he was unable to leave as they were blocking the drive.  So he ended up sticking around with his work truck running and releasing exhaust for an extra hour as a result of Al's 911 call.

Laugh #1

Joke

There's a lot of stereotypes that just don't make any sense. Like there are some people that think that all Asians look alike. And that's ridiculous because a ninja doesn't look like a sumo wrestler. Totally different outfits.

Thank you, Myq Kaplan.


And here goes another simple laugh. Anonymous:

What is the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?

The used car salesman knows when he's lying. 

How do you convince a person to run you over with their truck?

Today I have to talk about the most shocking thing I think I have ever seen.  Sometimes I watch this show called World's Dumbest.  It's a decent way to pass time when I'm waiting for something else to happen or Mario and I decide to eat in front of the TV, like we did tonight.  First off, let me offer a defense as to why I can be amused by such a completely stupid show... It makes me feel smart. In fact it helps me to appreciate that all of my friends are smart, as are at least 90% of the people in my family.  And this is based on one simple answer to one simple question. "Would you ever do that? or that? or THAT?" No, most of us wouldn't.  Then there's my favorite reason for enjoying this show.  It is proof positive that Darwinism is completely false.  Otherwise most of these people would never be capable of reproducing.  That's not a judgement, just evidence.

So today I saw a clip of this guy who refers to himself as Captain Awesome on World's Dumbest Thrillseekers 5. Now I don't know if you want to go through the hassle of logging in and whatnot to watch the whole episode, so I found a piece of the clip on Youtube.

On the show You could hear a lot more of what was going on.  The driver of the truck was actually completely ignoring the guy he had just run over.  He was on the phone with 911 flipping out about his truck being on fire.

And I have a response to one of the comments below the video on Youtube.  The question was, "How did the truck even catch fire."  My answer is, "It probably had something to do with the fireworks and the mattress attached to the front of the truck."

So now I would like someone, any one to answer my sincere questions, "How do you convince a friend to run you over with his truck? And how do you convince another friend to video the entire thing?

P.S.  I'm sleepy, so this post will be edited in the morning.