From Girl to Woman

It has been requested that I give women equal treatment and write a list for them.  With women it is a little harder because the whole women's lib thing makes the demands on her differ.  A single career woman has different demands on her that a woman who is married.  And a woman who is married but has no children has different demands on her than a woman who is married with children.  Then there are single mothers who fall into a category all their own. They are basically super heroes and no list is required for them, they simply know how to do everything and do it.

I do not however believe that a man should have all the demands and the chick be free to be who she wants to be with no responsibilities whatsoever.  She can become whoever she wants to, but she must good at being that person.  And a woman who demands that a man be a man need to deserve that man

I've chosen to write my list based on things I believe a wife and mother should know, be, and be capable of doing. This list is meant for both stay-at-homes and working mothers.  And I say to the women the same thing I say to the men, "if I'm too sexist and harsh for you, get over it."

- sew on a button
- iron a crease
- walk with grace
- sit in a skirt
- paint her fingernails
- how to be modest with make-up and know when not to be
- boil water
- cook a turkey
- straighten a man's tie
- gas her own car
- how to check her own oil
- change a tire
- jump start a car
- put on a condom
- what type of scoring goes to what games (the major ones)
- how to hold a baby
- wrap a gift

Again, I reserve the right to edit this list however and whenever I feel like it.

Manly Things List

Things a man should be able to do: Wrestle bears, land a plane, make coffee, build a house and hunt moose


Ha ha, well maybe he should be willing to do those things if absolutely necessary, right.  Apparently my expectations are a little high when it comes to what makes a male human a man and not just a guy.  I don't really subscribe specifically to the above stereotypes, but I do separate the genders. It's sexist. I know, and I don't care.

The fact is, a man should be a man.  He should have cajones and a sense of responsibility.  No man should think that everything is okay when his wife is paying the rent, buying his cola and making dinner while he plays video games.  It should be emasculating.  Allowing a situation like this just proves that he is not capable. And I firmly believe that a man who can't take care of his woman can't satisfy her either. What follows is a real list of things that I think a man should do or qualities that he should possess.  If he doesn't, yes, I do think less of him. 


- work toward the financial stability of his family
- if unemployed dedicate a minimum of 20 hours per week solely to searching for employment
- if unemployed wash dishes, vacuum floors and help put laundry away
- help his children with their homework
- take the trash out
- open the mayonnaise jar
- stand up for what is right every time
- tell a creep to screw off if that's what is called for
- walk away and never turn back
- not participate in a slap fight
- shovel the driveway
- be able to drive a vehicle with a manual transmission
- know how to light a fire (in the fireplace, at the campground, on the grill)
- employ preventative maintenance to keep his car running
- wear a belt and keep his pants pulled up
- make a dinner reservation
- comprehend the word "no" and act on it
- put on a condom
- check what "that noise" was
- name the 4 C's

I reserve the right to alter this list in any way at any time.

If a man does not know what or how in regards to any of these items, he can quickly redeem himself. Asking, researching and changing are are ways of showing humility and willingness to learn and make that man exempt from judgement while taking action to rectify his ignorance.  If a man is unwilling to show humility, and unwilling to grow he becomes stagnant.  Any man that is not growing is useless and should be quickly discarded.  The faster he is replaced with a real man the less pain everyone (including him) will endure.

Dear Evelyn,

You have a cute______.

You make me _______.

You should ______.

Someday I will ______.

You me =________.

If I saw you now I'd __________.

I would build a _______ just for you.

I would get your name tattooed on my __________.

If I could sing you any song it would be _________.

We could __________ under the stars.

My love for you is like that of ____________.

Love,
_______________

(P.S. ______________.)

Repost this as "Dear (your name)" and see what kind of answers you get.

Copy and paste into a comment, fill in the blanks. You can figure it out.

Waste Some Time

Whatever you write, you should put a sample of it into this converter.

Let me know how it turns out for you. Leave a comment or email me.

I took an excerpt from a blog I wrote around three years ago.  You can read the original post here.

I was told:

Your text: 1191 characters, 234 words

Bullshit Index :0.04

Your text shows no or marginal indications of 'bullshit'-English.

North of Everything

Craig Crist-Evans is the author of a book entitled North of Everything.  It is a short novel about a young boy who moves from the warmth of Miami to the chill of Vermont.  The entire story is written in verse.  It's not my style and I can't honestly recommend it, but I did really enjoy the very first "chapter."  It captured the essence of turning away from being desert girl from Las Vegas and embracing becoming Alaskan.

North of Everything
Craig Crist-Evans

Here, north of everything,
when winter's almost done
and the sun begins to climb
above the mountains,
the old Winooski thaws.

Willows wave their pale leaves,
robins dig for worms,
and I hear the lowing cows,
     voices
          drifting
               soft
across the fields.

Here, north of everything,
we boil sugar from the maple trees in March,
plant long rows of corn in June, watch
October mountainsides erupt in leafy fire.

Here, north of everything,
all winter long, we sit beside the wood stove,
drinking cider, rubbing hands
to warm ourselves.

Here, north of everything,
where seasons change their clothes
from red and yellow, then white to green,
where I have learned
that fall turns to winter,
and winter turns to spring.

If it doesn't belong there, PUT IT AWAY!

Is this concept really that difficult to understand?  I'm sure that there are women around the world who's blood pressure just raised a point simply because I typed the sentence.

If you see an item in the wrong place, put it where it belongs.  I just solved half of the problems every husband will ever have for all eternity.  I have provided an invaluable education to teenagers worldwide.

There are so many ways to expand on this concept.  "Trash belongs in the trash can."  "Wet towels belong on the towel rack."  "Spoons should be washed, rinsed and then returned to the very same pocket in the exact same drawer they were removed from." "Don't leave your hair tangled up in the brush."  "Rinse your spit and toothpaste down the sink."  "Hang your clothes back up, on a hanger, in your closet."

Let's be real, though.  If you are old enough that you make messes by living  not by toddling, you are old enough to clean them up without a mother or a wife telling you step-by-step how.

Happy Movie

I just watched Dear John on FX. The first half of the movie was so sweet and happy and wonderful.  I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, because I know what a, "Dear John," letter is.  But it just kept up with a loving couple who wrote letters to one another when they couldn't be together because of his military deployments.  His name happened to be John so the title began make complete sense. And I got comfortable with how happy two people could be even though they were two characters in a movie.


I'd like to thank Nicholas Sparks and Jamie Linden for thoroughly disciplining my optimism.   In the future I will remember that chick flicks are not meant to make you happy and the phrase, "Dear John," still only has one meaning.

Caught on Camera

This awesome tech blog called Gizmodo posted an article with some hilarious pics from Google Maps Street View. I was inspired to find some on my own.  I found some scary, some weird, some funny, and some just plain strange pictures.  Click "LinkBack" in the caption above the picture to link back to the original posting.  To view the original Gizmodo article click here.

1. This creature under the water is being called Nessie, you know, the Loch Ness Monster.  I'm personally going to guess, giant squid. LinkBack

2. This is super sweet.  It's always a good thing when the fire department has enough free time on their hands to climb a tree and rescue a kitten.  That means nothing is burning down at least. LinkBack

3. Oops, I guess they missed one. This just sucks. LinkBack

4. Ummm, yeah. Better to have a horse's head than a horse's... "Linkback" recently broke.  Sorry about that.   

5. Is that a bum napping in the street? Nope it's a Aussie that's had one too many.  Dude, next time, sleep it off on the couch. LinkBack

6. Wow, someone has too much free time on their hands.  And I'm a little concerned about their obsession with Santa.  LinkBack

7. There's nothing dynamically new about this type of "freeway art," but I really like it. LinkBack

8. Let's Play. LinkBack

9. An alien invasion in Germany, oh no!  Oops, someone put the glass over the lens without checking. LinkBack

10. Water gun fight blown way out of proportion on the web.  I can see that that gun is plastic.  People just love drama. LinkBack

11. Artists put on a show for the Google street cam van. Say that five times fast. LinkBack

12. This is the scariest shot I found.  Can you imagine being out for a walk that day and happening upon this scene?  Yikes. LinkBack

13. I know a long day of shopping always makes me tired enough to wish I could crawl home instead of walk.  Wait a minute, he forgot his bags. LinkBack

14.  I really hope she said yes. LinkBack

15. Flash back. LinkBack

16. Hey buddy, you're double parked.  LinkBack

Earthquake

Alaska residents have a chance to help the USGS Earthquake Hazards Program map out the activity, damage, and range of Alaska's earthquakes.   Click on the following link, Earthquake Report, and fill out the form.  It only takes a minute and a half. The extra information can halp them give rescue groups the knowledge they needs to plan and train for true disasters in the future.

Laugh #1

Joke

There's a lot of stereotypes that just don't make any sense. Like there are some people that think that all Asians look alike. And that's ridiculous because a ninja doesn't look like a sumo wrestler. Totally different outfits.

Thank you, Myq Kaplan.


And here goes another simple laugh. Anonymous:

What is the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?

The used car salesman knows when he's lying.